If you’re a manager, you have probably experienced the tight chest and sweaty palms reaction to those tough talks with employees. Well, at least that’s my reaction, although it has lessened over time and with practice. Because no one gave me helpful tips on how to get through it, I am sharing the lessons I’ve learned over years of management.
1. Just Do It
Your standard management training will tell you how crucial feedback is, but it doesn’t always make the leap into why it matters. In my experience, it boils down to one thing—unchecked “bad” behavior or performance leads to complacency from the offender and resentment from top performers. The longer you wait to address a problem, the harder it’s going to be to fix it. So put your grown-up pants on and go.
2. Provide Timely Feedback
Many of us procrastinate when we anticipate a tough conversation … fight that urge. If someone puts down a colleague in a meeting, pull that person aside after the meeting and tell him/her that the behavior was inappropriate. You need to move quickly to cement the feedback with the bad behavior. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to reinforce the correction. If you manage managers, make sure that giving feedback is part of their annual goals—hold them accountable.
3. Stay Calm and Explain the Impact
The worst thing you can do is go bonkers and scream at your employee. I don’t manage through fear, and neither should you. Ask the employee to come to your office or step into a private space. Some people recommend asking the employee if you can give him/her some feedback, as it can make the employee more receptive to the information. I personally don’t use that approach, as I find that it’s clunky, but you should explore what works best for you. The part that’s crucial is the explanation for why the behavior was inappropriate. Give context.
Scenario:
“Suzie, I noticed in the meeting that you said Tom’s idea was stupid. When you say something like that, it causes people to close up and it brings our creative brainstorming to a halt. We all want to work in a respectful environment, right?”
Wait for Suzie to say “yes.” (I mean, who isn’t going to say that? If the employee says “no,” you have a much bigger problem.)
“I know you do and that’s great. Please consider your words carefully and make sure you’re respectful. I know you can do it.”
4. Remain Positive
As a manager, there are times I want to shake someone and say, “What were you thinking?” I obviously can’t do that for myriad reasons! But I have found throughout my career that conveying the inappropriateness firmly and kindly has the best impact. You aren’t attacking the person, which means they aren’t going to shut down. You show your confidence in them, which most employees will want to live up to.
5. Listen
I’ve had employees who say, “Oh wow … I never thought about it that way. I will definitely work on that. Thanks for the feedback!” The first few times that happened, I nearly fell off my chair. When I thought about it, though, I realized that I would rather know if my boss was upset with me so that I could do a better job.
The flip side of this, however, is the disgruntled employee who will want to complain. I let that person do a bit of venting (not too much), make sure he/she feels heard, and then reinforce the feedback and need for improvement and end the conversation. Don’t let it turn into a whine session or let him/her off the hook. Some people don’t agree with this and suggest just sharing the feedback and moving on. The idea behind that practice is that you’re the boss and there’s no room for conversation after you lay down the law. Play around with both and see which one jives best with your style.
6. Document, Document, Document
After the conversation, no matter how brief, jot down some simple facts—date, time, name(s), the feedback content, and the acknowledgement by the employee. This can be on a sticky note, in a notebook, etc. Just record it right after the meeting and file it away. Hopefully, you’ll never have to look at it again. If, however, you have a difficult employee who is unwilling to change, you will need that documentation to back up any decisions down the road. That 20 seconds is going to save you a lot of pain if you need to make a tough call a year from now.