As the academic year comes to a close, many students are beginning to ponder whether their romantic relationships will make it through the summer months. While long-distance relationships can be challenging, there are a number of things to do to ensure success and deal with the sadness of being apart from a loved one.
One of the most important keys to success with long distance relationships is effective communication. It is important for both parties to be able to feel that if they need to talk or write to the other person, it will be welcomed and met with active communication from the other. The quality of the relationship is more likely to improve if both partners develop the ability to share feelings openly with one another.
The second key to relationship success is a demonstrated commitment to the relationship by both parties. What kind of commitment are we making? How serious or casual will it be? It is necessary for there to be a solid and secure trust between the couple. Trust is so important that if it isn’t strong, you can make a conscious effort to work on it, both on your own and together. Being far apart can be scary and risky so it is important that each partner is willing to take risks. For example, each partner can trust that the other person’s social life in their home town will not be a threat to the relationship.
It is important for each partner to have independence with a healthy level of dependence upon each other. When these are present, there is a balance of power in the relationship between two people, and each person can be autonomous but still get their emotional needs met by the other person. With an appropriate balance of independence and dependence, each person is allowed, even encouraged, to grow and change as an individual, which everyone needs. It is, therefore, wise not to expect that your partner or yourself will always stay exactly the same as when the relationship started.
When these aspects of the relationship are healthy, the final factor tends to be naturally present, a mutual respect for one another. Each partner has to have clear expectations that they communicate with one another. It is extremely important for you to figure out your own personal expectations of the other person and the relationship, and then discuss them with your partner so that you are both clear.
Lastly, make the time you have together quality time, and build in some alone time during visits. Do things that draw the two of you closer, rather than emphasize the distance between you.
Strategies for Coping
- Put meaningful things into your life other than your significant other. Spend time with friends and family.
- Help those who have challenging circumstances. Volunteer.
- Make sure there are supportive people and places in your life.
- Every once in a while, do something that is atypical of yourself, although not self-defeating. Start a new hobby.
What to do when the depression of missing gets to you
- Let out your emotions: cry, scream, exercise, play a sport, meditate.
- Write a letter to your partner, whether you send it or not, letting him/her know how you are feeling helps.
- Write in a journal.
- Call or visit with a friend.
- Speak to a professional counselor. Counseling Services is available to speak with you before you leave for summer break.
While long-distance relationships are extremely challenging, they can work with a little extra effort. Hopefully, these tips can help you to sustain a solid, happy, and successful relationship while enjoying yourself over your summer break.
Counseling & Psychological Services is available for free and confidential counseling
For more information, visit www.cabrini.edu/Counseling.